Time is a Loose Concept

Ok ok ok so it's been a month and a half since my last blog, sorry parents. Time is a loose concept so let's pretend it's only been a week and a half.

It's already November and I am not exactly sure where the last four and a half months went. How can it feel as though we have only been here for a few weeks, while it also feels like we have been here for a few years? Time. It passes and passes and becomes so skewed in our perception that we are consistently unsure of our place in this invisible, intangible temporal spectrum. It's easy to get lost in time here. The days are seemingly long, but they slip away as if it were only minutes. Yes of course I am exaggerating a little, we have many days that are excruciatingly never-ending. But looking back on all the photos and adventures we have had since our arrival plunges me back to these moments that are still so fresh in my memory, and makes them appear to have happened only seconds ago. At the culmination of each week, we reach Friday and I am faced with the reminder that this year will come to an end. I know, Slow down Molly you're not yet halfway there! But these kinds of reminders are incredibly valuable, because it gives us no choice but to be unwaveringly aware of the swift passage of time, and hopefully encourage us to take full advantage of our position in this moment in time. For example, I was really hoping to solidify verb tenses in my Language Lab classes by next month, but I am not exactly on track to achieve this. So, I must reorganize, rethink, and restructure some of my lessons and then re-attack them with fervor!

Additionally, I must be better at documenting the passage of these moments. While they all feel so close in time now, they will soon slip further and further away, and I will lose the lens of clarity through which these memories still project. What a dichotomy! Make sure you live in the moment, but also be sure to take time in this moment to document everything so that later on you can (accurately) live in the past.

Side note: the most difficult thing about teaching third graders verb tense is trying to simplify but also maintain accuracy of the explanation of time. Time. It's a loose concept. 

Cultural Fest 2017-2018

A few weeks ago, the school held a two day cultural fest to celebrate and showcase the many cultures of India, and Holy Cross School. On Monday, the events included folk dance, traditional dance, group dance, poem recitation in English and Malayalam, and lots of uncoordinated dance from each class and their teachers (yes unfortunately including myself). I discovered that I really enjoy the Indian pop music they listen to despite the fact that I cannot understand the words being sung, and that both students and teachers have incredible talent for both dancing and singing. On the second day, there were story telling competitions, speeches, songs, and mime skits! All spoken word competitions were in both English and Malayalam. We are slowly learning a few words here and there, mostly phrases and words having to do with food of course, but this language is a hard one to learn. I always tell my older students that they are already smarter than me because they know at the very least two languages (English and Malayalam) and sometimes more. They also learn Hindi in school and I am sure some have mastered it to some degree already.

The students, teachers, and staff are all a part of such rich cultures, and this was an absolutely fabulous and fascinating event to be present for. The dances and costumes alone were my favorite part. The dress we see day to day is simply beautiful. Churidars come in infinite displays of rich colors and elaborate patterns. Shawls are effortlessly draped over women's shoulders, and always match the color and pattern scheme of both pants and top. And this is the everyday dress. One of the competitions at cultural fest was fancy dress, and the intricately ornate costumes were jaw dropping. Gold adornments, lace stitched in the utmost taste, thick black makeup to accentuate shining brown eyes, and the jewelry! The traditional dress that was worn by the folk dance competitors brought the rich history of India to life before my eyes. The dances tell stories more clearly than words could. And oh the way these kids can dance! Some of the most impressive dances came from students in third and sixth grade. The details! I am no student to dance (and this will be very evident when I participate in the Thiruvathira dance with the teachers next week) so I cannot be sure that details such as hand gestures and facial expressions are a part of western dance. But I can be sure that I have never seen dances that are as involved as the traditional folk dances we saw during cultural fest.

It was a beautiful few days to take the time to get to know the culture we are living in a bit more. The students had such fun (of course because we had no class) and it was an opportunity to bond more with them. I certainly did not know how well some of my students could sing, dance, recite poems, and give speeches! Marissa and I showcased our excellent western dance skills by teaching them some classic dance moves including the sprinkler, the lawn mower, and of course the shopping cart at the end. Saved the best for last right?! Next week we will really be putting ourselves to the test by taking part in a traditional Onam dance called Thiruvathira (thee-roo-vah-thee-rah) with some of the teachers. Onam is the harvest festival that falls around the beginning of the Malayalam calendar year. The celebrations in school will include flowerbed competitions, payasam making, and some outdoor games for the younger classes. Payasam is a mysterious soup like sweet treat that I have yet to acquire a taste for, but I hear there are many different types of payasam so perhaps I simply haven't tried the right kind yet. And of course one of the very special events to take place will be the teachers' Thiruvathira dance. They told us it would be simple; we practiced for the first time yesterday and I can assure it is not. Also we will be wearing a traditional Kerala sari which I hear is both beautiful and somewhat hard to move around in, so yes not to worry there will be plenty of videos and pictures to document the occasion.

A note on teaching:

This life we get to live here is wonderful, beautiful, and so educational. Learning how to be a teacher by simply doing it without any training at all is both very, very hard, but also very fun. I constantly feel like I am doing it wrong, and that I will not actually be able to teach any of the students anything. But then sometimes I'll walk into class and say "Ok guys do we remember what we talked about last time?" and they will actually yell out, with much fervor I might add, an accurate summary of what we learned last time. I cannot even describe how proud this makes me. Not only because I did it, I taught them something, but because they cared enough to feign excitement about it! My little loves! I am learning (and finally committing to memory) most of the students' names, and they sometimes like me I think! My current goal is to simply make them think. The way they learn in their normal classes, and prepare for exams, is almost solely memorization based. When they read a chapter in their textbooks, the teacher will give them the questions AND THE ANSWERS on the blackboard and their task for the exam is to memorize the answers. This is just the way they do it, and memorization is certainly a skill that can be useful, but it's clear that when it comes to being inside the classroom, there is little room for any abstract or hypothetical thought. So, this is exactly what I do! Each class I will come in with a few hypothetical scenarios (e.g. If someone gave you 100 million rupees what would you do with the money), make them write a few sentecnces and then I have them each share the answers they wrote in front of the class. The first few times I did this I think everyone single student said "Ma'am I don't know the answer, what do I write?" And when I tell them they can write anything they want (appropriate for class of course) their eyes bulge out of their heads.  This has become a good way to get to know the students in both English ability and personality. It's fun for both of us, and yes sometimes it gets out of hand and I have to yell, but if I can simply get them to think outside of the box in my class, then I will consider myself successful.

Also I taugh the Kindergarteners my name and now every time I see them they yell "Hi Molly Ma'am!" and it's the cutest thing in the entire world and it makes my day every single time. It's a wonderful life:)

Culture Shock

When you travel to a new place, you are most likely aware that the destination will exhibit many differences compared to the place you traveled from. It is my opinion that this awareness can shield you from the shock of being thrust into a starkly different culture. However, I have come to realize that awareness can only go so far as a shield. You need much much more that this.

Some privileges I took for granted in America:

• Not being stared at. Or at least openly stared at. Aren't we taught that staring is rude? And pointing! My goodness it's truly like being a zoo animal. 
• Being able to wear shorts. I could dedicate an entire essay to this concept. Not to worry that is coming. 
• Warm showers. Even though you don't really want one when it's super humid. The cold water is actually nice and I've adjusted to that part just fine, but I miss a nice warm shower in the morning. 
• Windows with screens. Don't get me wrong our verandah is my favorite place in the house. It's  like being outside, but you don't get rained on! Screens would be nice for the mosquitos though. I've itched a few (thousand) bug bites into oblivion and now have lovely new scabs all over my legs. (Now they will think I'm a leper and stare at me more, oh wait I can't show my ankles never mind!)
• A protein or whole grain based breakfast. We have Idli (google it) with curry a lot, and occasionally spicy noodles. They are both really really tasty, it's just still odd to me to eat it for breakfast. 
• WINE!!! In the village it's very taboo for anyone to drink really, but as a woman you are actually not allowed to drink. You can't buy it in a store, and you can't go to a bar. I have many thoughts on this.  But I need to collect and organize them so they do not come out in babbling fits of rage. 

These are just a few things I've realized I completely took for granted while living my comfortable life in America. I'm sure there will be more cultural shocks that we will experience over the coming months, and we will constantly work on how to live with and assimilate to these changes. 

On being stared at:

I don't know what it is like to live in a small village or small city where there is not much tourism, and then all of a sudden see two ladies walking around everywhere who look absolutely nothing like everyone else. It's funny because in the shopping centers the poster ads usually have white people on them. The children's store advertises their clothing on white babies. From what we have seen, and what we have heard from a few locals, light skin is an aspiration. Which is odd for me because I've spent my entire life wanting to be darker, or to have the ability to tan at least a little bit. The grass really is always greener on the other side! I am never sure if the reason for the stares is simply the difference in our skin tone, or the fact that we are also women. I think if the residents of Aymanam or the nearby city of Kottayam were to have ever seen an American, it would have most likely been a man, perhaps traveling for business. I don't know this for sure, but most gender stereotypes are unfortunately accurate here so I would not have much doubt if this were the case. 

Maybe one day they won't see us as zoo animals. We're not the first to be here, so they must have some awareness of the new influx of international teachers at Holy Cross School. The stares and the pointing is harmless. They seem to be teeming with curiosity, and who am I to blame or judge? In this case, we came to India aware that people would stare. The teachers who came before us warned us of this.  But it is one thing to imagine it, and another to actually experience it. When you feel a curious gaze, it's a little uncomfortable. When they point, giggle, and talk to the person next to them in Malayalam, it's even more uncomfortable. I'll never know what they're saying, so we have to learn to just not care. Awareness shielded us from being surprised by the staring and pointing, but an adjustment in attitude will shield from the constant discomfort of being ogled at everywhere we go. 

By the way the power went out three times while I was writing this. ~just India things~ 

Settling In

One week down! Kind of. It has been one week since I left the United States, but because of the spherical world we live on and a very confusing concept called time change, I have only been in India for five days officially. I think....math is hard.

So much has happened already, buckle up! We have been in school since Tuesday, and our program predecessors were right, they really just throw you right in. We were teaching that very first day. We did some fun stuff the first two days, mostly because we had absolutely no idea how to teach a class full of English language learners, but by Thursday I was doing a lesson on verb conjugations with my sixth graders. Oh and by the way it's really hard to teach a language that just comes naturally to you. Do you know what the participle form of a verb is? I bet you do, it's just the "-ing" form. Did you remember that's what it was called? I sure didn't.  So yea I am basically re-learning English and teaching it at the same time. It's actually kind of fun because I am a nerd and have always been a lieutenant in the grammar police force. I think this gig will earn me a promotion. Truthfully this week of teaching was a blur, I created only one full lesson, and executed half of it. The other classes we did a lot of coloring, and a lot of shadow teaching. Stickers are my new best friend. Currently my schedule includes Kindergarten, classes one, three, five, six, and seven on my own. My class is Language Lab and I basically can do whatever I want. The goal is to improve their English (I currently plan to focus on speaking and pronunciation) and there are no required exams. Additionally, I have classes one, three, four, eight, and ten alongside another teacher in their everyday subjects like English, Social Science, General Knowledge, and Morals. In these classes, so far I am either just circulating the classroom making sure the students are listening and doing their work, or I am giving the lesson and the staff teacher is circulating. I initially thought the younger students would be easier to teach (because, you know, cute) but that is not the case. The younger classes, like Kindergarten and class one, do not really speak much English yet I think. They either talk too fast for me to understand, or they are actually speaking Malayalam, I can't tell. My language and pronunciation will certainly improve by being here because I have to talk veeeeerrrryyy very slowly and articulate each letter and syllable so that they understand me. You never realize how fast you speak until you are talking to someone who is a non-native English speaker. 

We are still slowly getting to know the fathers we live with everyday. Father Johny is the superior and the principal of the Holy Cross School. He is very sweet, small, and very engaging. It's not difficult to feel at home in his presence. There is also Father Alex, Father Abraham, Father Biju, and brother Jibin. We eat pretty much every meal with them, and we see them around the house every day. They are curious about America, and so very welcoming. The teachers at school are similar. They are smiley and welcoming, but equally as hard to understand when they speak. They almost all speak English, but it's simply a matter of understanding their words through the thick accent. We will get the hang of it, but right now I do a lot of nodding and agreeing even though I am not always sure what is said.

Yes, the food is spicy. I think they are slowly turning up the heat on us because every meal seems to get more and more hot. Don't get me wrong I like spicy foods, but Indian spicy is the kind of spicy that makes you sweat even though you're sitting still. It is all very very tasty though. The only thing I can already tell I will get tired of is the rice based items that we have for breakfast. The last thing I want in the morning is a rice pancake when we had rice for lunch and dinner the day before. But it truly is pretty good.

A quick note on the power. It goes out randomly and unannounced at least four times per day. Sometimes less,  sometimes more. Sometimes for no more than a minute, sometimes for an hour. It's super fun.

Also we live on a farm. I will try to list the animals that run free around the grounds, but I will more than likely forget a few. For starters there is the rooster. He is hard to miss especially right now because he is RIGHT OUTSIDE THE WINDOW COCKADOODLEDOING HIS DAMN HEAD OFF.  But I'm not annoyed by it at all, really. Then there is the two water buffalo, one baby cow, our dog Moshi, probably like six goats (one of whom had three babies since we have been here), tons of ducks, geese, an odd looking bird called a Guinea fowl, a turkey, and lots of chickens. I'll keep updating this list with the animals I forgot as their noises wake me up in the middle of the night. I love them all. I'm very excited to make the baby goats my friends seeing as the older goats do not have much interest in hanging out. Stay tuned for those adventures. Oh and we also saw a python. It was dead in the river (which flooded most of the seminary grounds and part of the house this week) so it was harmless to us, but the size alone was enough to give me a nightmare about a snake the size of the basilisk from Harry Potter. Think as thick as your thigh and longer than your car. Thank god we didn't see the whole thing.

We actually haven't gotten out to do too much yet, but we did make one trip to the nearby city of Kottayam to go to the mall and get more churidars and kurtas (pants and long shirts). Any time we leave, whether it is to go for a walk or to go to the city, it is like going to the zoo, but we are the animals on display. Never having truly been a minority before is pretty much the ultimate privilege, and the experience of being a true outsider who sticks out like a sore thumb is both uncomfortable and interesting. I hesitate to describe the experience as novel or fun, because I do not want to seem pretentious or ungrateful. This is a perspective we have never really seen the world through, and I value the experience of it. When I tell you Marissa and I are the only white ladies around I absolutely mean it. I mean there could be some but I have not seen any yet, and judging by the stares we get I don't think the residents have seen any yet either. I know the students and parents in the village of Aymanam have seen people who look a little different from them in real life before because they knew Sarah, Nikki, Dan, and O'Shane, the Stonehill grads who came before us. Even still they stare. We went for tea to a teachers house on Tuesday (or Wednesday? Keeping track of the days is hard when your body is still stuck on eastern standard time) and I think at least six neighbors came in to just stare and watch us drink our tea. It's kind of funny for now, they're just so curious and so very friendly! Everyone smiles and waves hello. It's very sweet. But for all I know they're laughing and talking shit about us. Ah the language barrier. Mental note to learn swear words and insults in Malayalam so at the very least I can recognize them. This weekend is a long weekend because Monday is another holiday here, so we will get out some more I hope! And maybe eat something other than rice!

Arrival

Well, here I am! After approximately six months of discernment, a good amount of flip-flopping, several scrapped application essays, hours of research, an acceptance, a few vaccines, and two flights I am finally in Aymanam! I have only been in India for a little over 24 hours, but I have already seen and felt so much.

This upcoming year will be spent serving a community in Kerala, India as a teacher at the Holy Cross School of Aymanam. The students at the school range in age from playschool (pre-K) to class 10 (tenth grade). It's pretty ironic that I have ended up as a teacher, because I began my first semester at Stonehill as an early-childhood education major, but quickly changed this when I realized that having my own classroom was simply not something I wanted to do. Despite this early aversion to classroom teaching, I could not physically be more excited to help the students of Holy Cross School improve their English, and supplement whichever subjects need extra teaching help. I am, of course, incredibly nervous to command the attention of a 30 student classroom without any formal education training other than a few ECE classes I took three years ago, but I am (perhaps naively) up for the challenge! I have decided that this must be my attitude going into the classroom because children, like spiders and other things I am afraid of, can smell fear. 

When I studied abroad in Athens, I remember being overwhelmingly ecstatic to arrive and start having adventures immediately. I did not feel a shred of homesickness. Of course this was a different scenario, I was there purely for fun (yes Ma I went to class sometimes too) and to travel and see the world. This time around it is different. I do intend to explore, travel India, and have much fun, but I am here to serve and teach.  The difference in responsibility, and the starkly different culture are juxtaposed to the fun and frivolous time I had in Athens.  Now, I feel a little homesick, but I'm choosing to blame it on jet lag for the time being. This year will be a challenge and an adventure. I will learn so much from my students, the community, and this culture. I will also hopefully learn how to not throw a hissy fit every time I see a spider. I will learn how to master the bucket shower, eat things I have never tried before, and wear full length pants when it is one million degrees outside. I brought with me a mindset of openness to experience, and I will tackle the challenges this year brings me the best I can. 

Am I avoiding full-time postgraduate employment? Yes and no. Sure, I am not technically employed because I will not be paid for my work, but this was an intentional decision to spend a year giving thanks for my education in a meaningful way. Don't worry Eddie P, I'll get a job when I come back, but I knew this was an opportunity I would be silly to pass up. Don't miss me too much friends!